Today I will pause.
Though there is nearly a full year’s worth of journal entries not yet posted, I feel a need to pause here. Just as I felt compelled to sit down and to start blogging my journal entries a few months back, today, I feel this same inspiration to stop. For now.
The last chapter installment of “I am Genki”, feels full circle. How fitting that Cassie and I would both get (as she says, “our diagnosis”) on the same day—her positive pregnancy test and my positive cancer test, and this is where the story begins. It seems only right to, then, end with the birthing story and with my feeling the cancer has now been zapped, sizzled and burned away. And, my lab reports to be in the normal ranges at this same time.
Even though my journey with cancer continues and there have been many ups and downs since “I am Genki”, another idea has been brewing within me. Another ‘book’. A continued journey of the journal. Yet, I yearn to use the journal entries with something that may be more important than just my own story. An idea that slants in a direction that might make a bigger difference in this world.
I do not want to just live.
I want to live to make a meaningful difference. Not to just ‘leave my mark’, but, to in some small way, inspire a change for the good of all. I know. That is a tall order and can even feel egotistical to think that one small person like me can make one big difference. But, maybe if we each look deep into our personal passion and our natural born gift (and I do believe each and everyone of us is born with these), we are supposed to use them for the good of all. And, I believe that passion and our natural born gift are one in the same. Passion points us to the gift within. I, also, believe that it is not egotistical to think that this is possible, rather;
This is our duty.
Whatever that gift might be. Discovering what our gift is can feel awkward. Clumsy. It is there. Whispering through passion. Listen.
And, maybe if I find that I am wrong about what I feel whispering within, the next picture I will draw is a major crash landing after this leap. Maybe I am not good enough to be a published writer. But I have to listen to my heart and take the leap. Listen and leap.
I suppose, I published the first book of my journals in a blog with a secret hope that it might be good enough to seek publishing one day. Real publishing. Not just blog posting. And, then, I later learned that publishers and literary agents look upon blogs as ‘previously published’ and therefore, will not consider these for their lists. So, with book two of my journal, I will not post here and instead, take this year to finish it and to submit it for publishing.
To be honest, I am not sure that I can let go of blogging. Already it has only been two weeks since writing Genki and I am having blogging withdrawals. I can not tell you how grateful I am for your support and encouragement. With each day that I would hit the “publish” button on this blog, I would anxiously look for you. Wondering if you enjoyed the post.
So, excuse the pause please, as I continue to follow those little whispering angels of mine. I am so excited to explore the idea I have for incorporating my journal with another storyline/slant.
I welcome your comments and suggestions. Did I leave you with any concerns? Questions unanswered? Ideas that you have for me to improve the writing or the way the journal is presented?
I look forward to hearing from you.
And, I am forever grateful for your presence here. I wish you love.
psssstt…….maybe I will just keep posting here anyway? Maybe take you along with me on the journey of writing. Writing about writing?