Pressing on the pause button……

Today I will pause.

Though there is nearly a full year’s worth of journal entries not yet posted, I feel a need to pause here.  Just as I felt compelled to sit down and to start blogging my journal entries a few months back, today, I feel this same inspiration to stop.  For now.

The last chapter installment of “I am Genki”, feels full circle.  How fitting that Cassie and I would both get (as she says, “our diagnosis”) on the same day—her positive pregnancy test and my positive cancer test, and this is where the story begins.  It seems only right to, then, end with the birthing story and with my feeling the cancer has now been zapped, sizzled and burned away.  And, my lab reports to be in the normal ranges at this same time.

Even though my journey with cancer continues and there have been many ups and downs since “I am Genki”, another idea has been brewing within me.  Another ‘book’.  A continued journey of the journal.  Yet, I yearn to use the journal entries with something that may be more important than just my own story.  An idea that slants in a direction that might make a bigger difference in this world.

I do not want to just live.

I want to live to make a meaningful difference.  Not to just ‘leave my mark’, but, to in some small way, inspire a change for the good of all.  I know.  That is a tall order and can even feel egotistical to think that one small person like me can make one big difference.  But, maybe if we each look deep into our personal passion and our natural born gift (and I do believe each and everyone of us is born with these), we are supposed to use them for the good of all. And, I believe that passion and our natural born gift are one in the same.  Passion points us to the gift within.  I, also, believe that it is not egotistical to think that this is possible, rather;

This is our duty.

Whatever that gift might be.  Discovering what our gift is can feel awkward.  Clumsy.  It is there.  Whispering through passion.  Listen.

And leap in that direction.photo (6)

And, maybe if I find that I am wrong about what I feel whispering within, the next picture I will draw is a major crash landing after this leap.  Maybe I am not good enough to be a published writer.  But I have to listen to my heart and take the leap.  Listen and leap.

I suppose, I published the first book of my journals in a blog with a secret hope that it might be good enough to seek publishing one day.  Real publishing.  Not just blog posting.  And, then, I later learned that publishers and literary agents look upon blogs as ‘previously published’ and therefore, will not consider these for their lists.  So, with book two of my journal, I will not post here and instead, take this year to finish it and to submit it for publishing.

To be honest, I am not sure that I can let go of blogging.  Already it has only been two weeks since writing Genki and I am having blogging withdrawals. I can not tell you how grateful I am for your support and encouragement.  With each day that I would hit the “publish” button on this blog, I would anxiously look for you.  Wondering if you enjoyed the post.

So, excuse the pause please, as I continue to follow those little whispering angels of mine.  I am so excited to explore the idea I have for incorporating my journal with another storyline/slant.

I welcome your comments and suggestions.  Did I leave you with any concerns?  Questions unanswered?  Ideas that you have for me to improve the writing or the way the journal is presented?

I look forward to hearing from you.

And, I am forever grateful for your presence here.  I wish you love.

 

psssstt…….maybe I will just keep posting here anyway?  Maybe take you along with me on the journey of writing.  Writing about writing?

6 thoughts on “Pressing on the pause button……

  1. I will really REALLY miss your journal/blogs – I really REALLY love them! but I understand about getting something published – it WILL BE no doubt – you have such a wonderful, wonderful talent for bringing everyone in and including them – love it – so yes, please continue to write a journal entry – even if its just to keep us up to date on your writing 🙂 love you oh so much – and we’ll see you SOON – May is getting closer 🙂 *Please VISIT my WEB SITE – http://www.ChariMiles.com – search the local MLS, search for market analysis statistics anywhere in the Nation -search City information, school’s info, comparables and MORE!* Sincerely,**

    *”DON’T EVER POSTPONE JOY!”*

    • You have no clue how I value your constant and loving support. Like the song, you are the wind beneath my wings! Wish I had thought up that beautiful line myself. But none the less, it is still so true for how I feel about you!
      I love you soooo much!

  2. THE FIRST THING, YOU MUST DO IS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. SELF DOUBT IS LIKE CANCER ITSELF. AND IT WILL DESTROY YOUR DREAMS OF FULFILLING YOUR DESTINY AS YOU MAY NOW FEEL IT TO BE. YOU ARE SO NATURALLY TALENTED LORI, IN SO MANY WAYS, WHETHER ARTISTACALLY OR ACADEMICALLY AS PROVEN IN YOUR PAINTINGS, SCULPTORS OR YOUR BLOG. WRITINGS. ONCE YOUR ARE PAST YOUR INITIAL SELF DOUBT, YOU WILL KNOW WITH ABSOLUTE CERTANTY THAT WHAT YOU DO PUT ON PAPER WILL BENEFIT EVERYONE AS MUCH WE WERE WHO READ THE STORY OF YOUR STRUGGLES IN OVERCOMING YOUR OWN FEARS. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND CARRY ON THE GOOD FIGHT, WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU DARLING GIRL AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. WE BELIEVE IN YOU.

    • It means the world to me to hear you say this. You have always show me what positive thoughts can do.
      I am forever grateful for your support and love!!!
      I love you both so very much!
      Now.. Keep at your own writing as well!!!

  3. I’m curious….why?

    Writing and dancing are very similar, they both come from the heart. Though I’m not very accomplished in the area of writing and expressing in words, I feel that much like dancing, which does not stop because the beat changes in tempo or volume, or even when the music stops; writing does not stop because the words are not on paper. It just means it is not shared with the rest of the world. The subject matter may change but I think it is impossible for you to stop writing. It has been a part of you since you were born, and only now have you let the rest of the world see through your words the love, strenght and power that exists inside your heart and soul. The question is will you continue to let the rest of the world see and feel what you see and feel? It would be our loss if you did not.

    I’m curious…why?

    • You are right, in that the writing does not stop. And, for you the dancing never stops. That’s probably why your legs move so fast and I can never keep up on a walk with you!

      I am not stopping in writing, but rather, I am taking another direction for this next ‘phase’. An idea that occurred to me just as I was finishing the last chapter of Pity Strings. I will continue to use entries in my journal from this past year. However, I hope to incorporate a few other story-lines to “prove” a gut-feeling I have about cancer. This is something I would like to submit for publishing, and unfortunately, editors and agents do not accept pre-published submissions. Blog posts are considered pre-published.

      So, yes, I am still writing. I just will not be posting this next phase of the journal.

      However, I will begin posting in this blog. I’ll write to you about writing. And, once I am done with the research and compilation of the journal writing, who knows, maybe I will just post it all in a blog and not worry about editors and agents. We shall see.
      Much love. Thank you for always being out there reading and commenting. You have no idea how much joy that brings to me! xoxox

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